I'll Die After Bingo. The Unlikely Story of My Decade as a Care Home Assistant

Resident: I feel I want to keep talking.

Me: Of course! What do you want to talk about?

Resident: My heart.

Me: What about your heart?

Resident: I feel I want to touch it.

Me: Your heart? You want to touch your heart?

Resident: Yes, but I'm too frightened.

Me: What are you frightened about?

Resident: Everything. People. Things.

Me: What's frightening you at this very moment?

Resident: (Closes eyes). That I'll never be touched again. That I won't be able to get to my heart.

Me: Metaphorically?

Resident: More carrots please.

Whether he's initiating a coup d'etat against new regulations with the residents, or forging a bond with the 98-year old who once called him a fat slut, Pope Lonergan's work is infinitely varied. This no-holds-barred account shows what life inside a care home is really like, for both residents and carers. Featuring night-time drama, incontinence pads and the uniquely dark humour of one double-amputee Alzheimer's patient, here you can learn everything you ever wanted to know (and a few things you probably really didn't) about Britain's care system.

This important memoir challenges us all to think differently about the value of our elderly, and also the carers who look after them.